Overcoming the ‘Elderscopy’: Families need to talk about aging parents

With an aging population in Niagara, more and more families will be required to make some tough choices in terms is what is best for their elderly family members. The problem is a lot of families don’t want to talk about it, said Denielle Cuoco, the managing director for Home Instead Niagara Falls.

Cuoco referred to it as “Elderscopy,” referring to a mailer campaign Home Instead conducted recently to draw attention to the importance of families having what can sometimes be difficult conversations with aging parents. The campaign pointed to statistics stating that 25 per cent of the population would prefer getting a colonoscopy rather than talk about their elderly parents needing care.

“I don't know that we've come across any seniors that want to leave their home,” she said. “Everyone, everyone, wants to stay in their home, so long as it's manageable.”

But families, Cuoco said, need to look at the alternatives far in advance of a decision needing to be made.

“I think there's a lack of awareness when it comes to what services exist and what is going to be provided through government-provided care,” she said. “I think once a family is in crisis (such as after a fall) the family needs to react to that situation.”

That puts families in a tough spot, she said.

“You don't really think about (mom or dad) needing any support until there's an event, and then once that event happens, it's a very steep learning curve for families to understand what is available publicly and what's available privately.”

It’s better to be prepared for that eventuality before it happens. And in the event the parent can remain living in their home with some assistance. Some of the prep work can come from speaking with others who have gone through the process or by meeting with representatives from agencies like Cuoco’s who can help families learn what they can expect.

But most of all, she said, have conversations with the loved one who needs help before there is a crisis situation.

“If you have the opportunity to have a conversation … then, as a family member, you're able to then knowledgeably fulfill those wishes if it's possible.”

That also goes for families lining up the legal ducks in a row, including designating an individual to have power of attorney and to draw up a will “while they're in a cognitively clear state, they can articulate exactly what it is that they want. When there's a crisis, then you are having to deal and make huge decisions at a time when everyone's emotions are high.”

Cuoco said that for seniors who decide to stay in the home but need some help, private home-care providers can supplement services offered by the government to seniors who elect to stay at home. That care can go beyond simple tasks such as dispensing medications, helping a client get dressed, doing a load of laundry, or preparing a meal.

Socialization is very important, Cuoco said.

“They have somebody else that's not a family member that that they can interact with. I think oftentimes that social element is overlooked.”

Care can include things such as taking a client out for coffee or to the grocery store. That socialization can make a huge difference.

“By having somebody visit who's not family, the relationship is very different,” Cuoco said. “It also gives the person something to look forward to. And when you have something to look forward to, it helps boost your spirits.”

While based in Niagara Falls, Home Instead services clients across Niagara. Each December for the past seven years, it has promoted its Be a Santa to a Senior campaign. The agency has partnered with Niagara Region’s seniors outreach program and with businesses across the region to provide gifts to seniors in long-term care who may have no other family.

The program is on top of Home Instead’s regular work of providing personal care, Alzheimer’s and dementia care, hospice support, chronic illness care, transportation and more.

More information may be found at homeinstead.ca